The Etiquette of Money

This subject is probably, by far, the most un-loved subject of life. Money. While everything in a wedding starts with the all-consuming budget, the more contentious question would be where this budget is coming from. Or, to put it bluntly, who is actually writing the checks for the wedding bills.

Traditionally, the bride’s family is the host of a wedding and therefore would be the ones paying for everything. Even in that heading, there may be extra family members who want to contribute to the festivities. Maybe your aunt owns a stationery store and would like to pay for the printing for the wedding. Maybe your grandparents would like to give you the gift of your wedding dress or photography. Sometimes the bride and groom host the wedding themselves. And all of this is very common. I actually have very few clients where only one person/party is paying for everything.

I say all that to drive home the point that money in a wedding can get very confusing. So, when you start to get into your planning, you might want to keep some of these tips in mind before the bills start to arrive.

1. Decide your budget from the get-go. It will serve you well if you sit down and have a very open and frank discussion about where the bulk of the money is coming from for the wedding costs. Once that is decided, you need to come to an agreement on how big that budget is. One of the biggest mistakes that a person can make in planning their wedding is starting off with no budget and getting too far in and realizing that they have spent too much on certain parts with nothing left over for other things. I have heard “I have no idea what things cost so I have no clue where to begin on deciding a budget” many times. And that is a valid point. To combat this, get some very basic quotes from well-known vendors in the area. Just to see where their prices fall. Then, think about the point where you would say, “I cannot spend a penny more on this wedding.” That is usually where your budget will fall. Be realistic. Once you see what vendors in your area charge for general packages/services, you should be able to see where you can spend and where you can’t.

2. If someone else is paying for a portion of the wedding, be very specific on where that begins and ends. Let’s just say (for sake of argument) that Grandma has decided to pay for your floral decor. That is a beautiful gift! And just like your overall budget, you must be frank about what that means. While many grandparents might want to skirt the actual money issue (I hear things like, “Just let me know how much it costs”), this isn’t a good way to go. Be very up front about how much she is really prepared to spend. There will be a breaking point. Everybody has one. It will help you immensely if you have the conversation about money long before you have your heart set on a particular floral scheme.

3. Make sure the parties involved know when the deposits and balances are due. Even if you have been diligent in getting all your numbers straight before hand, not keeping those folks up-to-speed on when the bills are due makes for more awkwardness. Awkward for you, awkward for the vendor (who really doesn’t want to get involved in family issues) and awkward for whoever has agreed to pay. And many times this happens when the wedding is close at hand. Maybe just a week away. So, it adds to the last minute chaos that does not need to happen.

4. Follow through and actually make sure that the bills are paid. If you (or your planner) have served as the main contact point for a particular vendor, even though another person is actually paying for it, you need to make sure that the vendor actually did get paid. Just because your dad was made aware when he signed the contract that the balance was due the week before the wedding, that does not mean that it actually happened. A little reminder on a calendar (Google will text message you reminders) is all it takes to keep it fresh in his mind. And then, follow up with him and the vendor to make sure all is taken care of. This might not be necessary if your dad has been the only person in contact with that vendor from the get go. But, if not, follow though!

It may not be romantic to be completely forward about bills, but it is considerate. Believe me. You will be glad you did. Your vendors will thank you. And, you and your family can enjoy your day with fewer headaches. Until next time… XOXO, Julie

Photo by Flip Flop Foto of Kelly and Matt’s wedding. Kelly’s mom actually was very involved and upfront about all vendor contracts and bills. And everyone enjoyed the day!